i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
