So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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