Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
