I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hippo gnu deer
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
