I think my fart just growled at me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would ride that face into the sunset
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
