I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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