He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
