It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
