we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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