I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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