You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
