Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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