R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
