dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
