Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
