Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
