my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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