Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
