took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
