no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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