READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
