I can text with my tongue
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
