Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
