You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
