I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
