This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
