Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
