i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize