I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
