Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
