just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
