My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
