i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
