ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
