So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
