I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
