Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
