And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
