Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
