and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
