He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
