she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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