Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
