sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
