Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
