i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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