She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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