i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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