i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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