shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ketchup is God's man juice
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
