he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
