remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
