Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
