They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
