my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
