Your face is a jimmy john
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
