She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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