If that was your dad, he is hot
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
