i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
