Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
