So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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