I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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