It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
