i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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