3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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