I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
