Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
