if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
